Through this whole week I’ve been debating with myself to whether or not publish this article. It’s seems like a very personal topic to talk about in this blog, but I’ve also thought about it as a great opportunity to express the feelings I’ve hidden.
This whole idea started about two weeks ago, two or three weeks after I’ve seen the film To All the Boys I Loved Before. If you haven’t seen this movie or read any of the books, I suggest you do it immediately because they’re both brilliant, lovable, hilarious and the inspiration behind what I’m about to do.
Skip to the next paragraph if you don’t want to read spoilers. The first time I watched this film Lara Jean and I had too many things in common, it was oddly a relief this fictional character had almost the same troubles as I did. You see, when Lara Jean had a crush, she write them a letter about how she felt, but she never sent the letters to them. Although the beginning of the movie starts with the letters being exposed, it gave me an idea that I’ve been questioning to do all week.
What if I wrote a letter to all the boys I loved before? I know, this sounds exactly like the plot of the film, but hear me out. Lara Jean and I have a sort of fear, I suppose we’re both (or just mainly me) afraid to express our true feelings towards the boy we love. Perhaps it’s our shyness and fear of rejection (which isn’t her reason, check the movie, it’s pretty great) that has kept us from having a boyfriend. That’s certainly how it feels on my case, which is why I think it’s time to let it go.
Throughout the next months, I’ll be publishing a letter to my almost prince, to all of my almost princes. I think it’s time I’m honest not only with them, but with myself. I’ve always been afraid to tell a guy how I felt and it hasn’t help me at all trying to hid my feelings. In fact, I think it makes it worse and Lara Jean and I can confirm that living in fantasies isn’t something we’d like to do for the rest of our lives.
However, there’s a twist to this story. I’m personally not ready to reveal who these princes are so instead of using their real names, I’ll be switching them with a Disney Prince or Hero’s name. If you try to guess who they are, chances are you won’t. None of the choices are based on the personality nor appearance of the Disney character, it’s more likely they don’t have anything in common with them except that one element I’ll be revealing in the letter.
If someone does guess who they are, congratulations, I’m probably not confirming nor denying until the time is right… which will be when I’m dead or at least married with children and a dog. There isn’t anyone that knows what I’m about to do, there’s no evidence, there’s nothing, the information is all in my head and, of course, my heart. And if you’re not interested in reading these letters, don’t worry, I’ll still be posting full on Disney here.
I believe that sharing these feelings might help me get better in the future, like maybe I’ll be brave enough to ask someone out or let him hold my hand while we’re walking. I don’t know, it’s worth a shot. It’s not the first time I’ve done this (write a letter to my crush I mean), but it is the first time I’ve done it publicly. When it comes to writing, I’ve always been able to express my feelings without hesitation, soon I hope my voice learns to do it too with the matters of falling in love and relationships.
P.S. These letters aren’t intended to win their affection nor anyone else’s, they’re purely for letting go of the past and moving on towards a better and open future. Please don’t call me. (See? This is why I don’t a have a boyfriend).
[Featured Image Source: Minnie Pen by Natalia Bonilla Rivera]